?

Log in

katiegk04 [userpic]

why?

May 10th, 2009 (05:14 am)
distressed

current mood: distressed

my bf loves me. he think's i'm beautiful. why? its so complicated ...if he knew how much i hate myself, how i'm bent over for hours over the toilet, how i spend every waking moment thinking about food what would he say? i told him about ana and he's actually really supportive although the whole "why don't you just eat?" gets old because i don't know how to answer that. yesterday i asked him why he hasn't broken up w/me yet ...i'm messed up and i feel like i'm holding him back. he could be so much more w/out me. he said i was perfect ...PLEASE, as if. its like we're seeing two different reflections in the mirror and i don't want the day to come when he see's the one i see every day.  

katiegk04 [userpic]

no excuses

May 6th, 2009 (02:53 pm)
current location: room
current song: Céline Dion - Taking Chances

nope, no more. i just got back from a 30 min. walk/run. nothing to eat so far.
my plans are to
-clean
-500 crunches
-100 squats
-50 push-ups
-weigh in
-make my weight loss calendar
 
i'm also starting my first day of a fruit juice/water fast. the only rule is to have at least one glass every hour to keep my metabolism up so it won't be as tempting to eat. feel free to join just for support, no competition.

hope u girls are having a beautiful morning xxxkatie


katiegk04 [userpic]

starting over

May 4th, 2009 (04:44 am)
current location: room
current song: superchick -beauty from pain


i'm so PO'D!!!! seriously i worked my ass off all week, lost three pounds &then gained four back  to a b/p. FUCKKKK.
i'm really happy today is monday though,  i'm ready to start over and start strong. today is the first day of my fast and i'll also go running ...hopefully i'll shrink by the end of the day. i've been in one of those "i feel fat" moods for to long.

anyone have any pro-ana websites or thinspiration? lol i think i've searched the internet so much i keep on stumbling across the same websites.

xxxxstay strong

katiegk04 [userpic]

=/

April 23rd, 2009 (12:14 pm)
distressed

current mood: distressed

i totally binged last night.
ahhh!! oh well today's a new day. i will fast and exersise. i will not let this discourage me. i will be thin. i will be pretty. i will love myself.

on a good note i dropped out of iop:)!!!

katiegk04 [userpic]

127

April 16th, 2009 (02:24 am)
stressed

current mood: stressed

i am now down to 127 ...almost to 125 (my recent goaal weight.)
but i'm tired of never being enough. i'm tired that after a 5 mile run and 4 x lax i am still fat. my bones are hidden and i can't fell my stomach ache for food. i just want to be beautiful. thats it. one word. BEAUTIFUL and i don't think it's too much to ask for.

katiegk04 [userpic]

so live your life....

April 14th, 2009 (09:58 pm)
current mood: determined


hey:) i'm new to this community, my name is katie.

i am sixteen and live with my parents. they have basically decided for me to go into iop. i may not have control over going to iop. i may not have control over what i have to eat there. but the ultimate choice to get better is MINE. i WILL NOT break down and eat just because people say i need to, or try to have some control over it. no, this is MY life and if and when i choose to recover it will be on my own terms. 
           

the guilt, the voices are driving me crazyyy! i haven’t slept in two days, i'm gaining weight. iop is making my life more into a living hell. today someone asked me a question: what if you were very sick & you needed to take this medicine to survive, but the medicine would cause a bad side effect (ex. hives or something) ......why lay around alive when all you can seem to do is suffer? why not die happy? things cannot be caged. this is how i feel, in a cage in the zoo with everyone arguing about the best way to train me. this is no way to live. i need out. i need to make my OWN decisions, my school, job, friends ...i need to decide who I want to be.

this is how i feel: i would rather live with anorexia nervosa than going through hell felling guilty and isolating  my self from eating only to maybe get better.

xxxthanks for listening

katiegk04 [userpic]

stats

April 13th, 2009 (02:03 am)
nervous
Tags:

current location: room
current mood: nervous
current song: superchic


hopefully posting this will help me stay on track and keep me motivated!!!

Height: 5’ 7’’

HW: 163

LW: 116
CW: 128

BMI: 20.1

 

LTGW: 113

STGW: 125

katiegk04 [userpic]

goal weight

April 7th, 2009 (02:07 am)
stressed

current mood: stressed

3 pots of chai tea
1 egg
1 piece pie:(

but down to 125:)!!!
but still a fat ass ...i have decidid on a goal weight of 113.

katiegk04 [userpic]

(no subject)

April 5th, 2009 (12:37 am)
current mood: determined

fasted yesterday:)!
gave in to some ice-cream today and couldn't purge. but staying strong!!!!

katiegk04 [userpic]

blah

March 31st, 2009 (07:01 pm)
anxious

current location: living room
current mood: anxious


so far i have had:
broccli w/cheese=45
chicken=?
two cups chai tea (w/splenda)

but i'm FREAKING OUT!!! i finlly got down to 125.4 but today is my brothers b-day ...everyones eating cake soon!!! please someone confirm how fat i am and to stay away from that cake. mmm god maybe i'll just purge what i had earlier have the cake and get rid of that too. 250 crunches for punnishment.