current mood: distressed
my bf loves me. he think's i'm beautiful. why? its so complicated ...if he knew how much i hate myself, how i'm bent over for hours over the toilet, how i spend every waking moment thinking about food what would he say? i told him about ana and he's actually really supportive although the whole "why don't you just eat?" gets old because i don't know how to answer that. yesterday i asked him why he hasn't broken up w/me yet ...i'm messed up and i feel like i'm holding him back. he could be so much more w/out me. he said i was perfect ...PLEASE, as if. its like we're seeing two different reflections in the mirror and i don't want the day to come when he see's the one i see every day.